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torn

i am torn.  torn between my want for retaliation and my desire for forgiveness; torn between my anger for what has been done and pity for those who did this; torn between my pain for the victims and their families and my numbness at the event; torn between what the world teaches and what i believe my christian walk teaches.  i needed to be careful, i almost let my anger and hurt overwhelm me to the point where i was centering on those who did this event, and not on those who suffered from their actions.  anger does that, it removes us from where we need to be (with those who are hurting) and brings us to a place where healing is impossible.  impossible because, anger connected to retaliation is revenge, and revenge is never enough and it consumes us and brings us to the point of paranoia.  it becomes the center of our life.

that center is not a good place to be.  we think we find comfort there, but we do not - we are confused between comfort and release.  when we are at that center all we find is the need for deeper and deeper revenge - the cycle never ends.  it is a place where we are blinded and if we retaliate in anger, we retaliate blindly and blind retaliation solves nothing (ephesians 4:26-27).  so, what are we to do and how can we solve our torn natures?  i believe the answer is found in 1 peter 2:3, "he (jesus) did not retaliate when he was insulted.  when he suffered, he did not threaten to get even.  he left his case in the hands of God, who judges fairly."  now, i am a realist and i know we will retaliate.  while i may not agree with it, i understand it.  my prayer is that we do not do so in anger or to seek revenge and that we do not attack people based simply on their religion or national origin.  i have a friend who shared with me his point of view by saying, "forgiveness of sin does not remove the consequences of that sin."

when we are part of the world, we do worldly things - we desire worldly actions.  but, as "faith walkers" - people who walk in the light of christ - we need to take care and not give into worldly wants and desires.  if we are truly to go against the flow (romans 12:2) we need to go with God.  in clossians (3:8) we are instructed to rid ourselves of emotions like anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander and dirty language.  anger should not motivate us, or direct us, into the action.  instead of seeking retaliation, we should seek forgiveness - and yes, this is hard.

when we relive this horrid event, and we use the word "forgiveness" in the same sentence, we somehow feel we are cheating the memory of those who died.  how can we forgive those who did this?   how can we forgive those who backed them?  how can we forgive with all this pain?  in matthew (6:14-15), jesus taught that if we do not forgive others for their sins, we will not be forgiven ours.  most don't want to here this, especially now, but it is truth.  how can we forgive?  for me it was a process of prayer and time.  also in matthew (18:21-35) jesus shares with us how often we need to forgive.  we need to not move in anger or seek revenge because when we do, we miss the opportunity to forgive and live in the grace of christ.  ridding ourselves of anger and seeking to forgive those who did this seems so wrong because of the size of this event.  because of this i am torn.

dealing with my emotions and my walk is hard, but i have come to the personal conclusion that i walk with christ and not with human desires.  it was only after long prayer, and long meditation, that i am able to say that i forgive those who did this.  i have come to the conclusion to allow my walk to guide my life, and yes it is hard and i still swing back and forth - but God quickly brings me back on his path.  as i said before, this is hard - very hard - but if it was easy, it would be cheap - and grace is not cheap.  cheap grace is not worth having, because it has no meaning.

while many deal with what we are to do and how we are to act, let us keep in mind the sacrifice of christ.  while i am certain we will retaliate, my prayer is that the innocent are not harmed.  please remember, not all muslims are evil.  not all muslims desire to harm us.  not all muslims are the same.  this was the act of a fringe group who see those who do not see the world as they see it and wrong and evil.  

pray for the victims; comfort and love the families; pray for those who did this, and those who supported them - so that they see the grace of God and the errors of their ways.

blessings

pastor john

John O’Keefe is the founder of www.ginkworld.net.  John sees a desperate need for the church as a whole to change and reach a new people for Christ.  He is straightforward, honest and calls it the way it he sees it.  John is a graduate of Drew and has been a Senior Pastor and Church Planter