|
Is
This It?
by
luke holmes
"Go
here", the man said, pointing at my map. "This
will give you what you need." I had been looking
for this place forever, and finally I knew I was on my
way to the right place. I picked up my belongings and
headed down the road. Boy was I tired. I had been on the
road a long time. I had never wanted anything so bad in
my life. I was tired, extremely weary, but my pace
picked up as my excitement did about reaching the end of
my journey. My heart began to burn within me as saw the
place on the horizon. I had talked to many people, young
and old about this place. I read stories of men and
women of old who had been there. I sat in seminars and
sermons that promised to show me the way. I had searched
kind of half-heartedly for a while. Finally, I was sick
and tired of being sick and tired. I left everything I
owned, packed up what I could carry, and went on my way.
I had been to the cities, teeming with people. Lots of
them were on their journey also. I bonde d with many of
them. I had been in the middle of the forest, where the
only light I had was the moon. I had been on top of the
mountains, where it was cold and desolate. There was
more than one occasion I thought I would not make it out
alive. But here I was. I dropped some more of my
belongings that were slowing me down on the way. The
closer I got, the less I found I needed to carry.
There
I stood at the door. Not what I had expected. Maybe
that's why it took me so long to find it. Not much to
look at. I was expecting a grand palace. But this was
not. Not too small. Not too extravagant. Just enough
room, it seemed, for everything to fit. And there it
said over the door, CONTENTMENT. Yes, this is what I had
searched for.
The
door was small, it was clear I would have to leave what
I still had in my hands to make it through. I pushed
open the door. It acted like it had not been opened in a
long time. I had to force it open with my shoulder. The
door swung open and my eyes took a moment to adjust to
the light. There were some people in there, all talking
with each other. The chairs did not look comfortable,
the floor was dirt, and the air was kind of musty. But I
had never seen happier people in my life. Most of them
were dressed in rags dirtier than mine, but they did not
care. I recognized some of them. There was the couple
that could not bear children from my old church. There
was the woman who had lost her husband on the mission
field. There was the man who God had called away from
the woman he loved to the people who were lost. I was
tad confused and nervous as I approached the man sitting
behind the desk.
"Excuse
me", I managed to get out. He turned to face me and
his eyes pierced to my soul. His eyes were so kind, like
they saw everything about me but did not care.
"Can
I help you?" he replied.
"Is
this contentment?" I asked, kind of ashamed to look
at him.
"Yes"
he replied. "It's not what you thought, is it? It
never is." "But here with me, you will find
everything you need."
I
was told I would find it when I searched for with all my
heart. I had given everything for it. And this was it?
My indignation began to grow. Was this it? I had bled
and cried for this? I nearly lost my life for this? I
was tempted to give up on it and run back out the door,
down the road. Maybe I could still find some of the
things I had given up for this. Maybe I could get my
life together. Maybe it was not too late.
He
must have sensed my fear and frustration.
"Child," he said. "You are free to run
out that door and reclaim the things that you gave up to
enter in. But please, let me help you. You came all this
way. Let me heal your wounds from the journey. Let me
help you."
Something
in his eyes compelled me to stay. We went in the back
and he bandaged up my wounds. He helped to ease my pain.
I could have talked to him forever. I poured out my
heart to him, and he healed the wounds of my heart also.
I talked to him and to the others in the room. I did not
know where my next meal would come from, or even if
there would be one. I did not know if I was warm or
cold. All we had to sleep on was the floor. But I did
not care, I just wanted to be there with him, for I knew
he had it all I under control. I did not want to ever
leave. Sometimes I thought about my old life, but it
just made me sick. But hearing his voice as he taught
us, made me forget about it.
People
came through the door, every now and then. Some stayed.
Some ran back out the door. My heart would hurt for
them. It still does. To think that there are people out
there that do not know this joy. It pained my soul. We
did everything we could to let the outside know what joy
they could know, but they just did not believe it.
I
never found what I was looking for. I found something
better. I found something more fulfilling. I found
something far beyond my wildest dreams. My prayer is
that my old life will continue to make me sick. That I
will despise it. That I will simply trust in him who
provides all my needs. I love you, Jesus. Everything I
need comes from you. If I sleep in my car, if I don't
have a job. All I need is you. All I need is you.
Jeremiah
29:13 "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye
shall search for me with all your heart.
_____________
Luke
Holmes is a minister and college student in Oklahoma
City. He desires to move the church toward a cooperation
revolution. Check him out at www.laholmes.blogspot.com
and laholmes2@yahoo.com
|
